again, another month passed, without doing anything. 

i have so many things on my to-do-list-after-finals and now my holiday is almost getting an end, yet i did nothing on the list. 

but still, i wouldn't say i didn't enjoyed my holiday.

you don't really have the chance to live like how i am living right now once you started working.

and i will definitely miss this 'empty-window period' when i start working.

i have been staying at home all these while since my Europe trip and my convocation.

i have learnt to enjoy spending time with myself. just me and myself. and it doesn't feel bad.
孤单，是一个人的狂欢。
狂欢，是一群人的孤单。

i really don't feel like going out, because it still hurts so much, to go to places that we have been together, laughing and having fun. but now it's just impossible anymore.
人面不知何处去，桃花依旧笑春风。

the scenes just keep replaying in my mind, whenever i go to places we've went, or when i heard the songs we sang together. and they were wonderful memories of us, being crazy together.

is it weird, that i tried so hard to look like i didn't care or i am not being affected and still moving on greatly with my life and having bright future ahead, but when you said i didn't care, everything just broke down. 

i didn't care?! I WISH. 

i am thinking maybe i have some superpower. because my emotions could affect my body physically.

i don't feel like doing anything, and i don't want to go out, and one day i just woke up with my leg injured for no reason. great. that's how i have a perfectly valid reason to not go out and do nothing at home. yay!

even though i had some difficulties even when walking,and had terrible walking posture for almost one month now but it's worth it. at least it's perfectly alright for me to do nothing! 

i have been thinking quite a lot, about that one topic that i am always interested in, but never understand it.

'what is love, actually?'

and then i realized, i ain't the only one who couldn't answer this.

some thought they know, actually they don't. 

i realized, this has nothing to do with, whether you have ever been in a relationship or not. 

some people get into a relationship without love, perhaps they just needed someone.

on the other hand, some people loved, yet they might not have the chance to be with that person they love, so much. like my favourite character in the dramas is ALWAYS the guy, who spent all his effort, just to make the girl he loves happy, and always be there for her, even though she did not chose him.

'i will definitely choose you!' i secretly swear whenever i watch those dramas.

find someone who can always make you laugh, even when u are feeling down. 

find someone who can have endless conversations with you, and you don't need to act like someone who is perfect. and he still loves you for being you.

i think this is more important than finding someone who is rich/handsome or whatsoever.

out of sudden, i realized, i am a bit 自虐(masochistic?).

i found a few similarities of the guys that i liked.

1. he ENJOYS being single. 

i found guys who enjoy being single are really charming. because they know what they are worth, having confidence, and patience of waiting for the perfect one for him. that's why they never rush into any relationship. again, guys who are confident of themselves, are charming. =)
p/s: i am still wondering why is boey still single even though he is so charming. isn't he? i havent finish his blog yet so please don't disclose anythg to me.

2. he loved someone else.
u see, this is how the word masochistic come about. why on earth would someone like people who loved another person?
she told me, 'i would prefer to be my bf's first love'. and that totally makes sense. every girl(including me) wants to be the one and only girl that he loves. nobody wants to be number 2, knowing that there is another girl lies deep inside his heart, and you could never replace her. that feeling totally sucks.
but there is something about the guy who had loved, that is attractive.
maybe i just love listening to their love story? maybe i just curious about what love really is, and they are like the sources from where i could get more infos?
there is this comic blog that keep stuck in my head:
-one day, Boey saw a shooting star, and he was thinking about what wish he would like to made. and it ended like this, 'there is only one thing that i wanted, but we both know it's impossible.'
-on Boey's birthday- today i turn 31 yr old and i waited all morning for one call. 'happy birthday', she said.
i read it once and that image refused to go away from my mind, and now i could type it out without referring back. i felt so heartbroken and sad for him. it made me feel so touched.
can you now see the point?
i don't know if that is just me having too much sympathy or what, but if there is a guy who is willing to trust me and opened up with me talking about the girl he loved, i would, most probably, fall for him.

3. he is lonely deep down.
i have said this quite a lot of times, yes, my favourite disney movie is 'Beauty and the Beast'.
i once saw someone posted on 9gag/fb, saying 'it doesnt matter if you are ugly, u will still get her if you are freaking rich and you own a f*cking castle'. i was really mad at whoever that posted it. don't you dare destroy my favourite fairy tale! i couldn't believe there are people this SHALLOW. it's true that we all have freedom to say/post something, but what you posted just REFLECTS WHO YOU ARE. you are so shallow that i shouldn't even give you my attention. shoo...
by the way, back to topic, she once told me, your favourite fairy tale actually reflects what kind of love that you wanted.
and it's true. i love Beauty and the Beast because there wasn't just lame love story about handsome/rich prince fall in love at first sight with pretty princess. it's never about the appearances. it's about getting to know someone more in time and learnt to appreciate their inner beauty despite his look. i always believe in 日久生情。
well i've said that before already but now i just found out that, there is one more thing that i like about Mr. Beast. he is lonely. he has been stuck in the castle for years with no one ever entering his life.

the best thing about such guy is, you are his whole universe once he falls for you. you are the most important thing in his life, you are his priority. u wont hear shitty things like:
'sorry dear, i am so busy doing what what what, can we talk/meet later(or some other time)? you know, i'd really wanted to be there with you but...blablabla...' 

p/s: of course nobody said that to me. i made it up based on tv dramas. =P

4. he made me laugh.
i laugh uncontrollably in front of my computer while reading his blog.(iamboey.com) he is sooooooo awesome. his blog is my recent addiction. i like him so much! <3
i thought only girls are emotional and have random thoughts. i was wrong. haha!

5. he is NOT handsome.
hahahahahahaha! sorry to say that. Mr. Boey, but i still like you, okay? ;)







ok, i am getting so tired after typing this for the whole day. ciao~